“The moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decisions, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.”
- Goethe
Never mind that this quote might not actually belong to Goethe…it is nevertheless the spirit with which I entered the Firecracker 50.
I’ve done this event for the last 2 years, and use it as a warm-up for the Laramie Enduro. I always register in the winter, well before serious training is underway., to avoid getting shut out because of a sell out. This year, it was only months later, in May, that I realized how uncommitted I was to preparing for this race, and I started looking for a partner so I’d only have to do ½ of the distance. Or, perhaps I’d sell my entry and bag out entirely.
A few days before the race, a friend of mine, damn him to hell, encouraged me – in the spirit of Goethe’s above quote – to just go for it. Go for it, he said, and you’ll have a ball! He was right, I erroneously thought, and I committed to do the race solo.
I noticed Goethe at work: instead of ambivalence, there was focus. I was not afraid, I was excited. I paid attention to my nutrition, rest, and sleep. I reviewed old race notes. I gained confidence: I was going to kick some ass. Commitment was cool.
The first 25 mile lap was good. I completed it in 2 hours 50 minutes, 10 minutes faster than my previous best. This was especially remarkable since I’d only put in about 10 hours on my mountain bike all season.
However, I knew I was in trouble, as not only had I not been training much, but also I’d thrown up a bit during the lap and just couldn’t force any nutrition down. Nutrition is the cornerstone of any endurance performance. And sure enough, I bonked at the beginning of the second lap, and spent the next three hours suffering. I thought only about some variation of one of the following themes: “I’m so bonked”; “Damn this is hard”; “I should just quit”; “If I were going any slower I’d be going backwards”. Not once on the second lap did a positive thought such as “this is fun” or “I feel strong” or “this sure is a pretty ride” enter into my head.
I’ve never been deeper into or more alone in the Cave of Pain. The second lap was the hardest 4 hours – yes 4 hours! – I’ve ever spent on a bike.
Perseverance is good, but it’s not so good to be the last one on a sinking ship. The morning after, I’m not sure if I’m a stud or an idiot for finishing.
In any case, for the rest of the weekend, I’m committing myself to eating pizza and ice cream. Bring it on, Mr. Goethe.
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